Wee man

There was a little guy driving this rig. Maybe he just looked small because the thing was so absotardedly enormous. When I pulled up behind him, the license plate was above the hood of my 4runner.

When Viagra goes looking for a poster child, this guy's going to find a note under his windshield wiper.

My. Eyes. Burn.

This is supposed to be a funny event. Rove is a total tool. A limpfisted bag of toady funlessness. Bush is...only alive because of the scotch he hammered down before going on stage. And it didn't make him witty.

Could we be any closer to the end of days without the tar on the streets simply bubbling up and killing our pets?

Karl Rove Raps

I miss Jack Handy

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.

Singleminded intervention

I went to an event last night, a celebration of an engagement.

By the end of the toasts you'd think that the new couple had been cured of some disgusting condition that can only be cured two people at a time.

I'm very happy for paired people. I've been one a number of times. But I've never treated un-paired people like being single was something to be fixed. But for some reason, that's how a lot of paired people treat singles.

I'm not bitter. Really. Just annoyed sometimes.

A woman's husband has been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said,
"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck."