I flew to Sacramento on Alaska Airlines on Sunday.
Bitching about the tediousness of air travel is like complaining about the weather. An immutable force we all have to live with, that sometimes surprises us by being easier than forecast. And other times confounds us by being way more onerous than we imagined possible.
So I won't complain about mile-long lines of ovine-like people being filtered and felt by too-few underpaid TSA zombies. But I will make a few other brilliant observations.
When did it become okay to hold your penis in one hand and talk on the telephone with the other? Each time I went to the bathroom there were numerous guys peeing and talking on their cell phones. I wanted to shout out "he's talking to you with his dick in his hand!" as I walked by these guys. (It's not like they're going to chase me.)
Way up in the gate areas at Sacramento the TSA recording droned, "The TSA has limited liquids blahblahblah" and on and on about what you can't take through security. Every four minutes, 15 times per hour, this recording. But it was playing for us at the gates - security was long behind us. Anybody with a bottle of hair conditioner was free and clear to do all the hijacking they wanted.
Why is it illegal to carry this:
When you can buy
this inside the airport?
You can buy these wooden wall hanging things at Fireworks inside the gate area, past security, conveniently located so there is no need to actually smuggle any weapons in.
The leg on this thing is over two feet long - shaped to be either a sword or a club. Genius!
If you bought this outside the airport and tried to take it on the airplane, you'd not only have it confiscated at security, you'd be detained and strip searched and chided for your stupidity for thinking you could take something like this on a plane.
It's a New Day in Air Travel. A new day that's kind of gray and rainy and dull. But don't bring an umbrella. It will get confiscated. Just buy it in the airport.
