Time Magazine's Person of the Year: Lame

Actual AP story breaking tonight:

Time magazine's Person of the Year: You

By Larry McShane, AP

NEW YORK -- Congratulations! You are the Time magazine "Person of the Year."

The annual honor for 2006 went to each and every one of us, as Time cited the shift from institutions to individuals - citizens of the new digital democracy, as the magazine put it. The winners this year were anyone using or creating content on the World Wide Web.

"If you choose an individual, you have to justify how that person affected millions of people," said Richard Stengel, who took over as Time's managing editor earlier this year. "But if you choose millions of people, you don't have to justify it to anyone."

The magazine did cite 26 "People Who Mattered," from North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il to Pope Benedict XVI to the troika of President Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

...

The 2006 "Person of the Year" package hits newsstands Monday. The cover shows a white keyboard with a mirror for a computer screen where buyers can see their reflection.

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Behind the scenes conversation at Time:

"How can we sell just a few more magazine? Honestly - we're down by, like, 25% this year. Dick does not want us to have to make Person of the Year something we have to justify to anyone. No demographic loss. Understand?"

Sweaty, can-do boy: "I know - Dick is going to love this: let's choose a moderate, kinda-left-leaning person who doesn't really piss too many people off..."

Dominant, priss almost-editor: "No. That's stupid. Then we'll seem like we're just trying to sound like all the people who actually voted. Dick will hate that."

Other can-do person: "Okay. Let's pick someone bad. Hitler."

"Shit, Jerrod... that's been done. And he's so not this year."

"Okay. How about the dude from Iran?"

"Right. Come on. That's going to seem like pandering to everyone's fear. And this time next year? He's going to be so not this year. Like, last year. Like, 'that Amidida-something show'. Come on."

"Let's go positive. People? Pos-i-tive!" (Sip-a-latte moment.) "I have SO got it. Let's say 'anyone who has written anything on the web this year is the Person of the Year. I LOVE this idea. Sasha? Are you writing this down? Someone call Dick."

All nod their head to hide their not understanding. Then:

Yes-man Josh, feeling the momentum: "Umm... can I just say: the creators are nothing if no one reads it... Helll--Ohhh! So let's say 'anyone who creates or USES content on the web. Then everyone feels special! No one is offended. No good guys. No bad guys. Just new readers who feel speshul." Looks for affirmation. "Just 'Persons of the Year.' Do you see this everyone?"

"Great great great idea Josh. Sasha? We need some green tea to celebrate - stat! Where the hell is Dick? He is so going to sign off on this." High fives go round the room.